The Rite not to be Roman

Two men flying across the country settle into their seats and soon strike up a conversation. The conversation turns to religion. Paul, a devout Evangelical Protestant, asks Richard, "So, are you a believer?"

"Um, yes. I’m a Catholic," replies Richard.

"Oh. I see," says Paul. There is a brief, awkward silence. "I used to be a Catholic."

"Really?" says Richard.

"Yep. In fact, I used to be an altar boy back when everything was in Latin."

Richard nods. "Well, my church doesn’t use Latin."

"Yeah, that all changed in the 60s, didn’t it?"

"What I mean is that my church hasn’t used Latin for centuries, if ever."

Paul is puzzled. "Oh. Well, one reason I left the Catholic Church is because I believe that married men should be allowed to be priests."

"My church has always had married priests," responds Richard.

"What? Really? What about women priests?"

Richard shakes his head. "No women priests. In fact, we don’t even have female altar servers or even extraordinary ministers of the Eucharist."

"You can’t be Catholic!" Paul laughs. "Next you’ll tell me your church doesn’t have statues, rosaries, or adoration!"

Richard smiles. "That’s right—we don’t. Believe it or not, we don’t even kneel while at Mass. And we never celebrate Ash Wednesday."

"I’m sorry," Paul says, shaking his head, "but you have to be pulling my leg. I was raised Catholic and I know the pope would never allow the Roman Catholic Church you’re describing to exist."

"I never said I was Roman Catholic," says Richard. "I said I was Catholic. And Pope John Paul II explicitly praised the Catholic tradition I come from."

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