Orthodox and in school

Adventures of an Orthodox Mom tackles preparing your children for public schooling. Here is an excerpt:

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1. Have your own dress code and enforce it. Children express their identity by their outward appearance. Many inner city schools are moving to curb gang involvement and discipline problems by issuing uniforms and banning make-up and jewelry. Thus far, these methods have been proven quite successful. Even if your child's school has not instituted such regulations, you should insist that your child be attired modestly and without unnecessary adornment. Girls should wear dresses or skirts. If, for the sake of modesty, a girl needs to wear shorts, they may be worn under the dress. The use of hairspray and wearing boyish or distracting hairstyles should be discouraged. Boys should wear clothing that fits them properly and should have hair properly trimmed. There is a mistaken notion among some Orthodox Christians that boys who serve as candle-bearers or readers must wear their hair long, as a monk or priest does. This is not true and should not serve as an excuse on religious grounds to violate school dress codes. A good point here. Don't go shopping online or in stores and let your decisions be based on what's available. Have guidelines in place before you dress your kids.
   
2. Emphasize the importance of keeping fasts at school. Temptations will be many and will come not only from the child's peers, but from teachers who want to treat the schoolchildren (almost always on a Friday). Provide tasty sack lunches on fast days. It is not usually too difficult to give the child something more desirable than the normal cafeteria fare. Bring fasting treats to school parties which are held during a fast period. Let the teachers know about Orthodox fasting practices at the beginning of the school year, so your child will not experience discomfort at having to explain concepts that he may be unable to articulate. Above all, let your child know you are proud of him when he refuses something he would like to have eaten. He will remember that encouragement when future temptations arise. Certainly a good lesson in avoiding temptation while parents aren't watching before adolescence when children will be tempted to do things harmful and irreversible.
   
3. Make the child think always in terms of acting in a Christian way and pleasing Christ with his behavior. If the child does something wrong at school, he should admit it and be willing to take the consequences. A child who blames others for his behavior or lies to escape punishment is developing a pattern of moral cowardice. A parent who blames others for the child's behavior ("The teacher doesn't like him. It was the other kid's idea. He just went along with it.") , or shields the child from the fair punishment he deserves, is training him to be a moral coward, or perhaps training him to be immoral. Encourage the child to forgive the children who wrong him or tease him. Help the child to try to see things from the perspective of the teacher who may always seem so grumpy and hand out so much homework. Never give the child an excuse for not meeting his obligations at school. If he misses class to attend Divine Services, make it clear that he must make up the work. Try to have a good relationship with the teacher, so that if problems arise, lines of communication are open to discuss them.
   
4. Teach your child that he must never be ashamed of being an Orthodox Christian. Wearing a cross, saying a blessing before eating, refraining from blasphemy or cruelty-these are all things which set him apart from an unthinking crowd of young people who have no idea who they are. Do your best to convince him that confusion and fear of ridicule are not enviable motivations for living.
   

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