From The Onion Dome:
Dusty Icons, the official trade magazine of Orthodox church-basement bookstores, notes in its most recent number that sales at its subscribers' stores have been affected this holiday shopping season by the worldwide economic downturn. Your intrepid Onion Dome editor sought out and was granted an interview with the --
"Is Outrage!" said a familiar voice as I was writing the article.
"What is outrage?" I asked.
"What is this shopping during holy fast?! Was it shopping during holy fast during Nineteenth Century Russia? No it was not! Is outrage!"
"Thank you, Father Vasiliy."
"Is not problem. Goodbye."
-- editor of the publication, Gustav Gustavanov.
OD: So the article in your mag says sales are off this Advent?
GG: Yes, it does.
OD: Can you say more?
GG: Yes. Church bookstores are finding that shoppers are going for lower-priced items, such as those icons on the bottom of the icon rack that nobody has bought since they were first stocked in the late 1970s, whose pricetags have never been changed.
OD: What else are shoppers buying?
GG: We have noticed that people are no longer buying 100-knot chotki, but are going for 33-knot and in some instances those little 10-knot finger ring things that are so cute don't you love them?
OD: Um, yeah. Anything else?
GG: Blockbuster theological bestsellers are sitting untouched while shoppers are buying leftover magazine issues from years past.
OD: Is there anything that is still selling well?
GG: Calendars. Everybody needs a calendar. Would you like one? This is a nice one here. See, every month has a lovely icon of the Theotokos.
OD: Yes, it's lovely, but I fast on the New Calendar and this gives the fasts for the Old Calendar.
GG: Heretic.
OD: Well that about wraps it up for our --
GG: Godless heretic.
OD: Thank you, Gospodin Gustovanov.
GG: Sergianist --
OD: The End.
"Is Outrage!" said a familiar voice as I was writing the article.
"What is outrage?" I asked.
"What is this shopping during holy fast?! Was it shopping during holy fast during Nineteenth Century Russia? No it was not! Is outrage!"
"Thank you, Father Vasiliy."
"Is not problem. Goodbye."
-- editor of the publication, Gustav Gustavanov.
OD: So the article in your mag says sales are off this Advent?
GG: Yes, it does.
OD: Can you say more?
GG: Yes. Church bookstores are finding that shoppers are going for lower-priced items, such as those icons on the bottom of the icon rack that nobody has bought since they were first stocked in the late 1970s, whose pricetags have never been changed.
OD: What else are shoppers buying?
GG: We have noticed that people are no longer buying 100-knot chotki, but are going for 33-knot and in some instances those little 10-knot finger ring things that are so cute don't you love them?
OD: Um, yeah. Anything else?
GG: Blockbuster theological bestsellers are sitting untouched while shoppers are buying leftover magazine issues from years past.
OD: Is there anything that is still selling well?
GG: Calendars. Everybody needs a calendar. Would you like one? This is a nice one here. See, every month has a lovely icon of the Theotokos.
OD: Yes, it's lovely, but I fast on the New Calendar and this gives the fasts for the Old Calendar.
GG: Heretic.
OD: Well that about wraps it up for our --
GG: Godless heretic.
OD: Thank you, Gospodin Gustovanov.
GG: Sergianist --
OD: The End.
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