Byzantine, Texas: How to apologize like a man

From The Art of Manliness comes this post on how to apologize. I, for one, don't think many people know how to apologize for two reasons (setting to the side the fact that few people can seem to spell the word correctly). The first is that the idea of contrition has been lost on many people. Instead of taking on the weight of one's actions people often let the burden slide to an excuse. The fault doesn't lie with me, it is how I was raised, I was busy, I was just trying to be funny, etc. What is forgotten is that the motivation, intended result, and extenuating circumstances in no way obviate the need to apologize. It may soften the heart of the one wronged, but it does not sweep the issue aside.

The second reason is that those people that we know are farther and farther from our everyday lives. They may live hundreds of miles away or even a few blocks away, but our lives are now so inward-facing (TV, movies, etc.) that we can prioritize whatever other thing we want to make important in front of resolving inter-personal problems. The hope is that it will "resolve itself," "time will heal," or that they will "get over it." The below post is an excellent resource on the topic of apologizing and I enjoyed it a lot.

“I’m sorry.” Two simple words and yet two of the hardest to say. We easily utter them in response to trivial matters like accidentally jostling a stranger on the subway or giving the cashier the wrong change. Yet in important matters and to those who mean the most to us, we can find ourselves practically choking on the words. But the inability to apologize can critically wound all of our relationships, from home to work. Learning how to properly apologize is a necessary step in moving from boy to man.

Why We Don’t Apologize

Pride. Apologizing can be particularly hard for men because it involves the admittance of fault. It’s hard to say that we messed up. That we were wrong. Our pride gets in the way.

Embarrassment. If we messed up royally, doing something truly boneheaded even though we knew better, it can be difficult to talk about it to the person we hurt or let down. We feel stupid and would rather pretend like it didn’t happen.

Anger. Things that need apologizing for are rarely a one way street (more on this later). We probably did something wrong, but the other person probably did too. And sometimes our anger over how they offended us is so great that we justify what we did and can’t get past it to apologize.

The antidote to all 3 obstacles? Humility. The reason we put up these walls is that we have an overinflated view of our true selves. We’re always right; we always have it together. But it ain’t true. We’re human. We mess up sometimes. You have to accept your imperfection as a part of life. Suppressing it will cut you off from others. Embracing it will allow you to grow as a man...