Dads have got it rough

While I recover from prostration overload (at prostration 75 I should have slowed down or modified my technique a bit), here's an amusing list.

---

(CMR) - There are thousands and thousands of Mommy blogs out there detailing the trials and difficulties of being a Mom. There aren’t a whole lot of Daddy sites out there. Or maybe there are, it’s just called ESPN. But regardless, I’m here to explain to you the many reasons it might just be harder to be a Dad than it is being a Mom. Here’s my top 12:

1) When we gain weight we can’t blame the pregnancies.

2) When one of your daughters gets in a fight at school and your other daughter yells, “Sweep the leg Johnny” everyone blames you.

3) Our fingers aren’t made for little buttons. They’re just not. If buttons needed hammering we’d be the ones to call. Finessing buttons? Not so much.

4) Dads can’t guilt our children by saying, “We carried you for nine months.”

5) “Wait until your Mommy gets home” just doesn’t sound as scary. It just doesn’t.

6) There are never…and I mean never…changing tables for babies in men’s bathrooms. That makes things…messy. Tricky and messy.

7) We don’t match clothes so well. If there were more Dads dressing kids, Garanimals would be made for every age of a child’s life. I’d seriously be sending my kids to college with monkeys and tigers on their tags. In fact, as the kids got bigger you could do larger animals like rhinos, hippos or whales. Now, it’s possible girls don’t want whales on their tags but we could work that out later in therapy.

8) Moms can disguise a diaper bag as a pocketbook. No matter what, men can’t make a diaper bag look cool.

9) No matter what, guys can’t look cool in a minivan. Let’s face it, if there were more Dads at home with kids there’d be convertible minivans and Monster minivans. But there’s not.

10) When women see Dads out with kids they assume we’re sensitive people who like to chit chat. We’re guys. We don’t chit or chat. When we see people we know we say “hey” but we don’t stop moving. We never stop moving. We’re like sharks in that way.

11) If you’re out with a buddy along with your kids out somewhere, people come up to you to tell you they support your right to adopt children and they love Elton John’s music.

12) Kids go to Mom for hugs. They go to Dads for tickle fights. And let’s face it tickle fights are a lot harder. Everyone wins in a hug. There are no winners in a tickle fight because they never end.

Feel free to add your thoughts. Please be kind. I’m very sensitive.