From the beloved Is Outrage series...
Takhoma Park, Maryland – In a move that will have Orthodox traditionalists everywhere in paroxysms of joy, the nefarious plan of Mrs. Jennifer (the great and holy myrrh-bearer St. Mary Magdalene, Equal-to-the-Apostles) Bunscombe to re-landscape the far northeast flowerbed at All Saints of Middle Class America Orthodox Church, Takhoma Park, Maryland, was thwarted by a decisive vote at that parish’s monthly council meeting this past week.
In an impassioned speech before the council, Mrs. Bunscombe decried the many weeds that had grown up in the garden, choking out the beautiful flowers originally planted there in 1952 by the now-deceased Mrs. Mary (St. Mary of Egypt) Lesovo.
“It looks like hell,” Mrs. Bunscombe said flatly.
“What it looks like is not the issue,” replied Mrs. Ana (Anastasiya, the Resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ) Crenshaw (née Lesovo). “Mama planted that flowerbed and we’re not changing it.” Mrs. Crenshaw gave Mrs. Bunscombe a sidelong glance, saying, “You’re not one of those Innovationists, are you?”
The Innovationists are a small and fairly timid group of American Orthodox who are committed to bringing tiny changes in areas that don’t matter to the Orthodox Church. Planting new flowers, buying new lampadae to replace broken ones, tentatively suggesting deep-cleaning the carpets in the hallways outside the trapeza: such are the insidious plots the Innovationists are constantly trying to hatch. Usually to no avail, as is befitting.
“Today it’s flowerbeds and carpet cleaning—next thing you know they’ll be wanting to reseal the parking lot or—or—change the church readerboard to accurately reflect the parish’s current schedule of services!”
There was a slight gasp from the councilmembers...
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“It looks like hell,” Mrs. Bunscombe said flatly.
“What it looks like is not the issue,” replied Mrs. Ana (Anastasiya, the Resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ) Crenshaw (née Lesovo). “Mama planted that flowerbed and we’re not changing it.” Mrs. Crenshaw gave Mrs. Bunscombe a sidelong glance, saying, “You’re not one of those Innovationists, are you?”
The Innovationists are a small and fairly timid group of American Orthodox who are committed to bringing tiny changes in areas that don’t matter to the Orthodox Church. Planting new flowers, buying new lampadae to replace broken ones, tentatively suggesting deep-cleaning the carpets in the hallways outside the trapeza: such are the insidious plots the Innovationists are constantly trying to hatch. Usually to no avail, as is befitting.
“Today it’s flowerbeds and carpet cleaning—next thing you know they’ll be wanting to reseal the parking lot or—or—change the church readerboard to accurately reflect the parish’s current schedule of services!”
There was a slight gasp from the councilmembers...
Complete article here.
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My tiny claim to fame is that I am good friends with the Intrepid Editor's wife :)
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