Surprise. Surprise. Surprise.

The official title of this post is fabulous. "After 12 Years Of Quarterly Church Attendance, Parents Shocked By Daughter’s Lack Of Faith" encapsulates a very common perception among our parents. That because they have faith that it will simply be transplanted to their children by occasional contact with the Church. The childhood years are when the parents supply the fertile soil for their children to become deeply rooted in the Faith. If their children fail to flower into faithful Christians in adulthood, we can often point to irregular church attendance and a spotty prayer life as a family at home as the source of malnourishment.

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Fullerton, CA (Babylon Bee) — Local father Trevor Michelson, 48, and his wife Kerri, 45, are reeling after discovering that after 12 years of steadily taking their daughter Janie to church every Sunday they didn’t have a more pressing sporting commitment—which was at least once every three months—she no longer demonstrates the strong quarterly commitment to the faith they raised her with, now that she is college-aged.

Trevor Michelson was simply stunned at the revelation. “I just don’t understand it. Almost every single time there was a rained-out game, or a break between school and club team seasons, we had Janie in church. It was at least once per quarter. And aside from the one tournament in 2011, we never missed an Easter. It was obviously a priority in our family—I just don’t get where her spiritual apathy is coming from.”

“I can’t tell you how often we prayed the prayer of Jabez on the way to a game,” added Janie’s mother.

“You know, the more I think about it, the more this illustrates how the church just keeps failing this generation,” lamented Trevor, citing a recently-googled study by Barna or someone.

The Michelsons further noted plans to have a chat with the pastor of their church after their younger son Robert’s soccer season calms down a bit.