Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Ford launchers "The Homeschooler" to capture fertile market

DEARBORN, MI (Babylon Bee) — In an attempt to corner the market on families that choose to homeschool their children, Ford Motor Company announced Monday its new upcoming line of 40-passenger vans.

Christened “The Homeschooler,” the flagship model seats 40 passengers and a driver, and includes fun entertainment for the kids, like Latin workbooks and classical Greek epic poems tucked right into the backs of the seats.

“We found that many homeschooling families were taking two or three of our twelve- or fifteen-passenger models to church,” a Ford representative said Monday. “This new model will allow the whole family to make the trip to homeschool co-op meetings, AWANA nights, and Sunday services all together in one vehicle.”

Options for the line of vans will include a pre-installed Chronicles of Narnia DVD playing on a continuous loop, a real-time ClearPlay system that replaces any foul language with a suitable alternative, and an in-floor storage system designed to stow up to eight strollers at once. Certain models will even come with safety features like alarms that begin blaring if a wayward child brings a soda on board the van, or if the system detects the presence of a kid who has been vaccinated.

According to Ford, all versions of the hot new line of homeschool-centered vans will ship with an “In case of rapture, this car will be unmanned” warning sticker on the bumper when 2018 models begin rolling out of the factory this fall.

1 comment:

  1. While I see the humor/self-depreciation in this, let's not forget that there is a deep arrogance and dismisiveness in the attitude that leads to it. While I did not vote for Trump myself (though I would have a 100 times over before voting for Hillary), it is EXACTLY the "spirit" behind this very attitude that led to his electoral victory.

    Besides, which one of us would not rather (blessedly) live in such a family than the one the majority in our culture is providing us with: A tiny hybrid that is covered in transgendering and queering unicorns and rainbows for the non-existent (aborted) children....